


and definitely no jokers

by Sinna



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Cannibalism, Gen, Jonny is aroace and Marius attempts flirtation, that's it that's the fic, this is silly but I had fun writing it so that's what matters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23515315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinna/pseuds/Sinna
Summary: Jonny d'Ville, Marius von Raum, and an incredibly awkward first meeting.
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & Marius von Raum
Comments: 20
Kudos: 188





	and definitely no jokers

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank the NSFW Mechs server for cheering on and providing ideas and also bc this was gonna be angsty and serious but then I got to talking about it with them and instead this happened.

There’s someone unfamiliar on the Aurora. They get as far as leaning in the doorway and beginning what might have been a hello before Jonny puts a bullet through their brain.

Fucking stowaways.

When the person gets back up, Jonny groans and considers shooting them again, but that’s really not going to help anything and he knows it.

“So what’s your story?” he asks instead.

“Baron Marius Von Raum, at your service.”

He bows and winks merrily at Jonny, who briefly regrets not shooting him again.

But now that Jonny’s looking at him, he recognizes the craftmanship of his prosthetic arm and… you know what he actually doesn’t want to hear whatever this guy has to say about the Doc.

“Never mind, I don’t give a fuck,” Jonny tells him. “Do you play any instruments?”

Marius gets halfway through what is probably an impressive list before Jonny decides that’s good enough.

“Aurora? Can we get this guy some sheet music?” he asks.

A nearby screen helpfully informs him that it’s already been delivered to Marius’ personal data pad. Well, if Aurora’s accepted him, that means Nastya’s already checked him out, and if Nastya’s looked into him than he’s probably fine.

“Perfect. You’ve already got it. Don’t be late for rehearsal.”

He wants to just go back to sitting on the couch and aimlessly staring at the wall, but it seems their new crew member has other ideas. Before Jonny even knows what’s happening, Marius has somehow talked him into showing him around the ship.

Aurora is less than helpful, deliberately misinterpreting his request for her to find someone else to do that as asking for the most efficient tour route, and he tries to remember what he did to piss her off this time. If she’s still mad about him hiding all of Nastya’s left socks, then you know what he can accept this as the consequences. That was the most fun he’s had in decades.

(The fact that Nastya both knows and cares which foot her socks are supposed to go on is a whole different subject and one Jonny is not going to think about right now.)

“So, this is the kitchen. Don’t go near it if Ashes is in there. Or Raphaella. Tim is probably safe but don’t take any chances. If the Toy Soldier is in there just run for your life.”

“I’m immortal now, aren’t I?” Marius points out.

“Yes, but you will be picking teeth out of your digestive tract for at least five years if TS convinces you to ingest anything it makes. No matter how tempting it looks.”

Marius laughs, although Jonny has no clue what he finds so funny.

“You won’t be laughing when Raphaella has to open up your throat while you’re still conscious.”

“Awwww, you do care. Hey, does this oven work?”

Jonny thinks back. He hasn’t seen Ashes in here in a few weeks….

“Probably. Why?”

“Cake or pie?”

“What?”

Marius winks again, and Jonny considers asking if he has some kind of condition.

“Are you the kinda guy who likes cakes or pies?”

“I could always go for a little priest,” Jonny replies with a vicious grin, happy to be back on solid ground.

“How about Baron?” Marius asks, and his eyebrows are doing… something… that makes him look frankly ridiculous.

“Cant’s say I’ve ever tried it,” Jonny declares. “Suppose I could fix that.”

Marius doesn’t look nearly intimidated enough.

“Anyway, lots to see. Let’s get moving. That’s Tim’s armory. Avoid that like the plague. Raphaella’s lab is down that hall. Avoid it or you might actually _get_ the plague. Ivy’s library is there, you don’t have to avoid that, but she _will_ kill you if you’re loud or not gentle enough with her books. My room is-”

Marius is watching him with a somewhat dazed expression.

“You getting all this?” Jonny asks gleefully, fully aware that he’s probably not.

“Basically, I shouldn’t go anywhere except your room,” Marius spouts.

Yeah, definitely not getting anything, but he’s got the right idea. Almost.

“Cute, but no. Come anywhere near my room without an invitation and I’ll blow your head off your shoulders. Got it?”

“Sir, yes, sir!”

Marius salutes. Jonny could definitely critique his form – it’s clear Marius has never actually been a soldier – but he’s not going to complain about someone treating him as an authority figure on this ship. Even if he is pretty sure it’s a joke. Better than he gets from any of the rest of these insubordinate bastards.

He runs him through the rest of the ship’s locations as quickly as he possibly can.

“And that’s all you need to know,” he finishes. “Any questions?”

When he looks back at Marius, the new crew member is leaning against the wall, his foot up on one of the vents. It doesn’t look like a terribly comfortable position.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Jonny warns.

“Huh?”

“I’m just saying, don’t blame me if an octokitten eats your shoes.”

“A what?!”

Jonny just smirks.

“Anyway, if we’re done here-”

“Wait!” Marius interrupts. “Can you help me get back to my room?”

“You have a room?”

According to the nearest terminal, he does indeed have a room. How long has he been on the ship?

“Would it kill you to notify your captain next time you bring in a stray?” he mutters under his breath at a volume he’s certain the ship can hear.

The Aurora – because she’s a bitch – merely draws up the ship’s list of crew members and highlights the title “First Mate” next to his name.

“It’s just down this hall and to the right,” Jonny tells Marius.

“Can you walk me there?” Marius asks.

He looks like he might be in pain, and Jonny can’t stop himself from approaching the man and reaching for his metal arm. Marius doesn’t resist as Jonny looks it over. He’s not really sure what he’s looking for – Raphaella would know better – but nothing looks broken or bruised.

“Hot, isn’t it?” Marius says.

He’s right. It’s warmer than most people would expect of something metal. Most of their mechanisms are. Even Brian has enough friction in his system to be pleasantly room temperature.

(Ashes probably has it the worst of all – he doesn’t have to ask why their rooms are soundproofed.)

“You’ll get used to it,” Jonny tells him. “Just be glad it’s not in your chest.”

“Is that where yours is?” Marius asks.

“Yup,” Jonny confirms. “Mechanical heart.”

He taps his chest and there’s a metallic clang.

“Can I see it?”

Jonny raises an eyebrow at the question, but, well, it’s no surprise that he’s curious. Jonny relents with a sigh and pulls his shirt collar to the side so Marius can see part of his mechanism.

After a few moments of Marius staring far more intently at it than he’d like, Jonny turns away and readjusts his shirt.

“That’s all you’re getting for now.”

And hopefully ever, if Jonny has his way, but he’s not stupid enough to think that Marius won’t be the type to shoot him in the chest once they get to know each other better.

Most people seem to get around to that reaction sooner or later.

“So, my room?” Marius pipes up.

“Fine,” Jonny agrees.

He stalks off down the corridors until they reach the door now helpfully labeled with Marius’ name and position.

“Doctor?” Jonny reads. “Thought you said you were a Baron?”

“I can be both,” Marius insisted.

“I doubt it,” Jonny replied.

Someone posh enough to be a baron wasn’t going to be wasting years in medical school. Probably. Honestly, Jonny doesn’t know enough about barons to make any assumptions, but hell that if that’s going to stop him.

“Come inside and I’ll show you how very good I am at docting,” Marius suggests.

“No way I’m letting another doctor get their hands inside me,” Jonny insists.

“Aw, but I’m so good with my hands.”

So was Carmilla, Jonny thinks but doesn’t say.

Marius keeps getting closer to him, and it’s vaguely unsettling. He’s smiling, which is also weird. Jonny doesn’t normally tend to inspire either of those reactions.

“Door’s over there,” he points out.

“Right you are,” Marius agrees.

He leans over to push the door open, but doesn’t move towards it.

“Want to come in?”

“I’m fine out here,” Jonny tells him.

“What if I want you to come in?”

“Why?”

And that’s when Marius suddenly kisses him.

Jonny shoots him without a second thought. What the fuck?

And now he has blood on his second-best waistcoat. Again.

“I think I might have misinterpreted the situation,” Marius announces from the floor.

“No shit. What made you think that was okay?”

Marius rubs the still-healing bullet hole in his chest.

“You’ve been flirting with me like… this whole time…”

“What? No! What part of that was anything like flirting?”

He needs to know so he can make sure to never do it again.

“Then what was that thing in the kitchen?”

“The pie thing? That was a threat, Marius.”

Actually, fuck it, the cannibalism jokes are too good he’s not giving those up.

“Oh. Wait, seriously?”

Marius looks genuinely confused. Jonny wonders what planet he’s from where threats of cannibalism are some sort of weird foreplay.

“Seriously.”

“And the hand holding?”

“You looked like it was hurting you,” Jonny tells him, somehow more embarrassed about this than anything else.

“Oh. Well, this is awkward.”

“Yup.”

Jonny makes no attempt to ease his new crewmate’s discomfort.

“Er… sorry? Can I, uh, make it up to you?”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Thanks.”

“No, I mean if you ever mention this to anyone else on the crew I will find new and painful ways to kill you.”

He’s sure Nastya already knows, thanks to the Aurora’s ever-watchful eye, but she’s not a gossip. She’ll just tease him privately. He can live with that.

“Right. Got it.”

Jonny turns to leave and get away from this supremely uncomfortable conversation.

“Are you sure you won’t consider letting me make it up to you?” Marius asks, and with this conversation behind them, Jonny finally realizes that the weird inflection he keeps putting on his words is probably Marius’ attempt at seduction. For all he knows it could even be a good attempt.

Jonny turns back to face him.

“Let’s be very clear about a few things: I don't fuck people. I don't flirt with people. I don't even really like people. If you need someone to scratch that particular itch, Ashes would probably be interested. Apparently, they’re good at that whole sort of thing. But leave me out of it. Okay?"

“Okay,” Marius agrees. “But that time I actually was just suggesting food. Real non-cannibalistic food. I’m very good at cupcakes.”

Jonny looks at him for a long moment.

“Cupcakes are just muffins that are trying too hard,” he says.

“Muffins, then,” Marius decides.

Jonny still intends to give him shit about this for the next several years. But maybe only a few years. Maybe not even a full millennia.

“Muffins, and show up on time for practice,” Jonny negotiates.

“Deal.”


End file.
